My Approach to Counselling

My Guiding Principles for Therapy

Relationships matter

Attachment Theory posits that our closest relationships, be it with our primary caregivers, siblings, peers or romantic partners, can have a profound impact on our psychological development.

From an Attachment Theory lens, attachment means an emotional bond with another person. If throughout our life, and most importantly in childhood, we lack safe, secure, emotional bonds with others, it can deeply affect our sense of psychological security. It can also lead to what are sometimes called “attachment wounds”. These are deep emotional wounds that can manifest in many ways, including negative beliefs about our self, difficulty trusting or getting close to others, fear of abandonment or rejection, confusing thoughts or behaviours, and emotional reactivity.

We often refer to specific profiles or patterns as “attachment styles” which fall under two main categories: secure or insecure.

Learning how our relationship history has impacted our sense of self, others, and the world, can provide immense clarity and understanding of many of our difficult behavioural, thought, or emotional patterns. With this often comes a huge sense of relief.

A SYSTEMIC LENS

One of the other foundational elements of my approach is working from a Family Systems perspective, which takes into account the systemic dynamics in our nuclear family or culture, as well as intergenerational patterns.

It is in our families where we first learn many of the subtleties and nuances of relational dynamics, including rules of engagement in social situations, how to navigate conflict or uncertainty, communication styles, emotional regulation, expectations, belief systems, right and wrong, and more.

More often than not, we also fall into a particular “role” in our families of origin, and with it, adopt particular ways of operating in our relationships. We may identify as the mediator, the black sheep, the caretaker, the second parent, the trouble maker, the scapegoat… and many others. These “role selves” can take over, especially when we don’t feel fully accepted as who we are in our families, where there is little to no room for differentiation or developing a unique sense of self or identity.

By telling the story of our childhood and upbringing, we can gain a more coherent narrative and understanding of how it has impacted us and shaped us. With more understanding comes more access to choose whether or not we want to continue to perpetuate family patterns that are no longer serving us.

mind and body

In addition to a Family Systems and Attachment Theory informed approach, I support clients through psychoeducation and exercises to both understand and befriend the automatic, built-in systems that each of us live with every single day - our body and mind.

When these systems aren’t functioning at their best, it can contribute to experiences of anxiety, depression, emotional outbursts and reactivity.

Especially for those of us who have endured traumatic or emotionally overwhelming experiences in our lives, our ability to stay flexible, resilient and regulated can be impaired. Even if we don’t identify as someone who has experienced trauma, we still may find it extremely challenging to regulate our emotions and stay calm in the midst of tension or conflict.

Working with each individual to find what works best for them, I support clients to find ways to self-soothe and regulate, hopefully contributing to greater overall resiliency, increased tolerance to conflict and uncertainty, and deeper connection in relationships.

Deciding to Try Counselling

Deciding to get help is a big decision and it’s not one you should take lightly.

It’s important to note that not all therapists are the same. Many of us come from different schools of thought and may take different approaches to the same problem. It’s essential that you feel comfortable with your therapist and that you experience a strong level of trust. After all, this is the foundation of successful therapy.

My approach draws from a variety of schools of thought, but they are all meant to be collaborative in nature. I work with both individuals and couples, and although the exercises and processes used with couples versus individuals can be quite different, the foundations of my approach remain the same.

Find out more below about my specific approach to Individual and Relationship Counselling, including what you can expect should you decide to book sessions with Alight Counselling.

If you’d still have questions, would like to get a better feel for me as a counsellor, or learn more about my approaches, please don’t hesitate to reach out or book a consultation.