Couples Counselling

improved communciation, deeper connections

All of us have experienced ineffective, unhelpful and maybe even unhealthy or toxic forms of communication, which leaves us feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and stuck. This may include yelling, blaming, criticizing, stonewalling or becoming passive aggressive.

Most of us have learned these patterns by observing our caregivers, parents or other models of behaviour over the course of our life. Also, most of us know this isn’t the way to communicate… but we don’t know what else to do!

Without effective ways to communicate, especially in the midst of conflict, our relationships will suffer and erode over time.

One of my primary goals when I work with couples is to first understand the patterns of unhelpful communication that currently exist in the relationship. Once we’ve identified each partner’s role, we can then take steps to change these patterns.

Not quite sure yet?

Find out what you can expect from Couples Therapy with Alight Counselling.

What should we expect?

Session Structure

Assessment Session

First, we will all meet together for an Assessment Session. This is a full-length, 90 minute session, with both partners present. During this session, we will begin to set the stage for our work together. I will learn more about each partner’s perspective on the main issues, as well as each of your goals for our work together.

You will also have a chance to hear from me regarding my expectations, approach and mindset when it comes to Couples Therapy. By the end of the Assessment Session, you will have an opportunity to reflect on whether or not you feel like it’s the right fit and would like to move ahead.

Individual Sessions

If the couple chooses to move forward, I will request to meet with each partner individually. These sessions are helpful as they give me a chance to spend some time with each partner privately, giving each partner a chance to speak freely.

These sessions are also meant to give me a better understanding of each of you, including details about your family of origin and relationship history, what it is that you’re longing for in your relationship and what’s missing.

*Individual sessions are always available throughout the couples work and may be recommended at my discretion.

Building a Foundation & Deepening the Work

Once we’ve met for our Assessment Session and I’ve had a chance to meet with each partner individually, the real work begins. By now, you will have a better sense of how I work and what to expect moving forward.

During these foundation building sessions, we will work on autonomous goal setting, emotional regulation strategies, reducing conflict and increasing capacity for productive communication.

My Approach

The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy

The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy is an approach to relationship counselling that focuses on the growth and development of each partner individually, in addition to the growth and development of the couple as a unit.

It assumes that long-term relationships naturally change over time as they progress through a series of predictable developmental stages. Within each stage, there are particular “developmental tasks” or skills that couples and partners will be invited to develop and strengthen.

The approach does not pathologize the issues that almost every couple struggles with, but instead, reframes them as opportunities to grow, evolve and develop into a stronger relational team, as well as each partner increasing their capacity for emotional maturity, self-validation, accountability and self-reflection.

Guiding Principles

Here are some of the pillars of Couples Therapy that you can expect should you decide to work with me.

Curiosity & Empathy

Just as you would expect from Individual Counselling, as your therapist, one of my priorities is to provide a nonjudgmental space for you to share your experiences. I will want to better understand your struggle and what matters to you. There may be emotional wounds or past traumas that need to be uncovered and discussed, and I will do my best to create a safe container for that process.

Psychoeducation

Stan Tatkin, psychotherapist and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, once said that couples counselling really is adult education. I will provide lots of educational material on relationships, neuroscience, emotional regulation, and communication to help along the way. I may also suggest that you read books or listen to podcasts to expand your understanding and knowledge.

coaching

As a couples therapist, at times, I will be far more direct than an individual counsellor. I may offer coaching and suggestions for new ways of communicating or behaving, or guide you in a variety of experiential processes. I will teach you a process known as the Initiator-Inquirer tool, to push your growth and development as a couple.